Its time to move on...
I have now moved to another place called Memories To Hold. Do let me know if you cant find it. And if you do find it do drop a tag to say hi :)
Life Goes On...
I guess out of everything good or bad, happy or sad there will be lessons to learn, mistakes to correct and encouragement to move on. Its how we deal with them.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I was looking and thinking about these verses. I remember looking at the love part for sometime ever since it all happened. Just fighting my own battles trying to figure out what is Love. Is it just an emotion or a feeling? Or is there a basic understanding as well to what was going on.
At the end of it all, I think I learnt abit more about myself, my weakness in trying to fight battles alone and definately abit on about love. Just like Elliott always say, at the traffic light you see the light just turned red and a lorry heading down the street. Your heart says you can make it but your brain says that you cant out run a lorry.
Well after all thats said and done, I still have my fyp to clear like it or not. Time waits for no men even when they felt like the world crashed in on them. And after this whole thing, if I were to still attempt to do what needs to be done in the old way, I would have not learnt anything.
The question is now how can I carry out what needs to be done with love and care rather than as enemies. For as the verse says(para phrased into my contect):
If I can score my distinctions or know how to sell a product,
If I was the greatest leader in the world or was the best motivator,
If I can take a step back and see things logically which results in the best ever plan to be thought off...
But I have no love... I am nothing.
Looks like I have to think of a new plan after all.
Kenneth
:)
The End
A picture of a nest being build in one of the plants in the PES of my place. Guess I never had the chnce to show this in real so this picture will have do.
If a flower can still bloom in the slums, so will I still continue to believe that my time will come one day God willing...
~THE END~
The Conclusion Part 1
And so one thing happened after another without warning. While busy planning what to do about one thing, something else turns up and throws me into dis orientation. And by the time I re orientate myself hoping that I got time to react another thing happens and throws me off guard.
I was in total dis array the whole day and even when I thought I could block it out on my way to sls to attend a extreme overclocking event, many different things were going through my mind. Can I even be faulted for not handling this situation well?
It rained heavily on the way home and I was drenched still wearing my Newcastle jersey. I usually wear it after my team wins but heck, I know they are playing tonight so wear first. Win or Lose I am still a Newcastle fan.
Anyway at first I thought the sky was crying for me as well. Haha ok kinda lame but at that moment I was so clueless on what to do. I wanted to break down and cry but there is no one left to turn to. The many offers I had have expired.
When I got home, the rain stopped and I decided to go for a jog. Usually I would think it out during my jog and thats what I did. The weather was cool and nice and the rain before meant less people willing to take the risk to go down for their jogs.
The planned 4.4km become 6km become 8.8km and on my last 100m, I saw the nice red evening. And than things started to make a lot of sense. I sprinted to the finish line with a new sense of understanding. My eyes watered abit though as through the sadness I was comforted knowing that I fought hard and I fought well keep to my principles and values, never compromising at all.
The fight had started way back than. I just wasn't aware of it. All the while I opted to the correct thing and not the right thing. I gave people the benefit of the doubt and I carried on thinking that the right thing while was no way wrong, I had the luxury to go one step more and do the correct thing.
Well I was wrong. I dis regarded the signs and went on as per normal. I wanted to be sure it was the correct thing to do. I held back, let things follow the flow.
And in the end....
The Conclusion Part 2
And in the end, the thing that I made myself guard against was what ended my fight. I know there were risk. I saw it coming. I still chose to believe.
And now I am broken. Broken by the very thing that I fought so hard against. I dun even know how to explain it in words. The anger, the disappointment, the pain and the sadness.
But who can I blame? To be honest I can tell you all about it. But can I really choose to blame? I dun control other people's lives nor do other people have to live by my standards and values.
Well maybe its a sign that its time to really carry IT out. So long ago I came out with IT but never got the chance to carry IT out. Its gonna mean I have to overturn my entire lifestyle but maybe its time to do IT.
At the end of it all this line from this song sums it up:
"And my worst pains are words I cannot say "
And the irony of it all is that when it started I asked myself :
"Is being an owner of a lonely heart better than a owner of a broken heart?"
And once again I am divided by the answer. How I wish I can be like Cris Johnson. Maybe this whole thing would never have had happened.
And so...
The Aftermath
And so it ends here.
I will move on closing another chapter in my development as a person. Most prob I will take the week off from thinking.
Sunday : Get the FYP website operational.
Monday : Go get drunk over beer and bourbon coke.
Tuesday : Call for a FYP group meeting(thursday or friday) and prepare for it
Wednesday : Do a house call for my cousin to fix his pc
Thursday : Go for my FYP meeting and get the group up to speed
Friday : Get started on my CrossBone Gundam
Saturday : Move onto phase 2 of my FYP planning.
* Thursday and Friday is interchangeable depending on situation *
And rest up on Sunday to be prepared for operation overhaul.
Closure of this blog
This will be the final few post for this blog.
Too many happy memories here that will bring back the pain. But I will leave the blog around as a reminder for memories whether happy or sad, good or bad are meant to be kept as lessons to learn from.
I dunno if I will start another blog but I will leave that till next time.
And so this is where I sign off from memories to create with this song:
Stilling Fighting On,
Kenneth :)
Operation Stiletto
I wish it did not have to come to this but it did...
Operation Stiletto
This is a 5 month operation that will conclude the end of undergrad life at SIM. With this I would have accomplished all I set out to do and regardless of the outcome I know that at the end of it all it was a good fight. I will not take the flight option neither will I back down.
This operation will include the following:
1. Getting my FYP up to speed with the rest of the groups. There is alot of potential hidden away in this topic and I will dig everything up or fail trying.
2. AHM is on the 24th of August. 10km is a given and 21km is the aim. Again I will complete it or break my ankle in the process whichever comes first.
3. MG Gundam Wing Custom Zero is the final aim. Dynames will be completed next week with Crossbone next in line. Everything to be hand brushed painted, panel lined and action based.
4. Mission buy myself will still be conducted regardless of the situation now. It will be a good test of my analytical skills in regards to computer systems in line with studies.
5. Image overhaul will still proceed as planed. The working world is calling me and I will be ready for it.
7. Mission Camp Booklet 2008 will be carried out with the maximum resources I can allocate to it. 2006 was a success with an overhaul of the old format and this year I am to improve and refine it further.
6. Optional missions to carry out include:
a) Mission CoolerMaster to improve the overall performance of my computer system.
b) Mission PDA to move from a consumer phone to a professional phone to aid in the carrying out of Operation Stiletto.
c) Mission LDS to improve the success chance of completing the 21km.
Overall its time to move on with my life and worry about the things and the people who actually matter. And to those who I thought it did matter to...
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Still Fighting On,
Kenneth.
And it's still so hard to be who you are...
"Light Up The Sky" by Yellowcard
The first single from Yellowcard's album "Paper Walls". And if it sound familiar, it is because it was used to promote the new season of Heroes in August last year.
Went to return a review card on thursday in the early afternoon before meeting up with Elliott to do some present shopping. Janet joined us for a drink after we were done as we were near her shop. Did you know that from peninsular there is actually a "secret" passage to funan? Lols, I just found out. Than it was off to do some gundam shopping as Elliott wanted to get the Gundam Vitue. 
Other than the stand I wanted to get, I also got something else as well. $35 for a MG model is cheap considering it used to be $71.90
True to the whole model fixing thing, the stand or as they call it "action base" require some assembly as well.
Gundam Dynames on the action base
Today was spent cleaning up my pc abit and getting ready for week 6 of my fyp. After settling everything and while waiting for my pc to settle down, I decided to do some painting to Dynames.
Today's list include the sniper rifle, the hand guns, armor and handgun container.
Its been a while since I did some panting so it was abit untidy. Thankfully you can only tell when you look at it close up.
Decided to finally rearrange my computer table in case I decide to go ahead with my plan to get a new casing.
Decided to put Dynames on top of my casing with some other stuff that were given to me over the recent years. At least Dynames' armor doesnt look too plastic now.
And if you are wondering, thats my baby photo. Cute right? Haha... So cute that I was asked to pose for some photoshoot by a church friend. Too bad that cuteness got lost over the years... darn :P
Only thing is that I ran out of black paint thus some of the items were not completed. Also some panel lining needs to be done to the main body as well. Looks like I got to do a little shopping over the weekend.
Well thats about it for today. Its off to SLS tmr afternoon to support a friend and his overclocking showcase.
Cheers,
Kenneth.
Gundam Dynames : For Charlene
Ok so I decided to take a break from my work aka research, refining and one person brain storming for my fyp and get the gundam done up.
Anyway this post is for Charlene as she wanted to see how the gundam model kits are done so here you go. Thanks again for it :)
Laying out everything on the table before starting work.
Each part is numbered for easy identification.
Stickers are included as well.
Handy nail clipper to cut out those small bits sticking out.
Body done.
Head completed.
Boths legs done.
Torso added.
Everything coming together.
Some poses with the complete Dynames:
Gonna head over to taka which is having a gundam promotion or over to sunshine plaza to see if I can get my hands on panel markers and the gundam stand to complete the dynames.
Again thanks to Charlene for helping me get this. Been awhile since I fixed up a gundam.
Cheers,
Kenneth :D
君との思い出が美しくて
"Mind Forest" By Gackt
こぼれる光の中、戯れる君を見た
揺れる木々の声から微笑みが浮かぶ
壊れて消えた夢をいつまでも追いかけた
しなやかな指先は切なさを運ぶ
帰らぬ時間の永遠の夢さに
手の届かない場所に連れ去られていく
鮮やかに関いたどんな花よりも
君との思い出が美しくて
どこかで響く鐘の何気ないメロデイーが
僕の心の中にそっと呼びかける
翼を広げ空へ舞い上がる
いくつもの光に導かれながら
遠くで輝くどんな星よりも
君との思い出が美しくて
抱えきれないほどの花束と
二度と触れることのない唇に…
翼を広げ空へ舞い上がる
いくつもの光に導かれながら
遠くで輝くどんな星よりも
君との思い出が愛し過ぎて
---
No video for this but not that one is needed. Sometimes a good voice is all thats needed. Credits to translators as well for their work in helping the rest of the world understand the song.
Well its the end of the week and the month is coming to an end. Things are going to get real busy as the main bulk of things start to come in. Guess with nothing left to lose, its time to do what I do best, dive straight into it.
Still fighting on,
Kenneth. :)
Ending of another crazy week...
Ok I really dunno how to describe this week so I will just leave it as that. Want to find out more, feel free to ask me in person but expect lots of rantings.
Anyway so its a nice saturday evening and I decided to stop worrying about work and relax abit.
Again I will let the pictures do the talking:
Making my own pizza for dinner
Time for the oven
Yum yum, lots of meat of course
Decided to get a hair cut today as well. Somehow been rather irritated with my hair so decided to get it cut real short.
Kinda look like my sispec days.
Hopefully this will also get me going on my training for the upcoming AHM. Minimum I want to complete the 10km but if possible I want to finish the 21km.
Well thats about it, gonna get some light work done and off to sleep early.
Cheers,
Kenneth.
And so it has begun...
Ok before I go ranting let me just update what happened over the past few busy days.
Saturday was one of those rare days where I actually decided not to do anything and relax. Also good to see Newcastle finally winning a match after so long.
Sunday was not too bad either. Had a mini popiah party at home before heading down to watch the soccer match between Man Utd and Liverpool
One of my few better attempts
Monday was spent doing research for my fyp and down to sim lim square to pick up some new toys. After all, all work and no play will kill my brain.
Nice new toys... hehe...
Tuesday was spent tidying loose ends for my fyp research and heading to town to catch the movie Vantage Point. Good show with an interesting concept or replaying the events through the eyes of different people. The car chase scene was one of the better ones I seen in recent movies.
Wednesday was spent resting at home and collecting my thoughts before heading down to school for fyp meeting with my supervisor.
Well with regards to the title, I received a friendly word of advise and warning about something and its turning out slowly. I thought I could take things as they come but looks like I gotta think and plan ahead.
And so it has begun...
Kenneth.
Chocolate Soup, EA Play And Matsuri Cosplay Event
Just a quick recap of the past fun filled week.
First of is a visit to a cafe at Terminal 3 for family lunch/brunch on wednesday(i think). Forgot the name of the place as the thing that caught my attention was the hot chocolate or rather as my sister calls it, the chocolate soup. The chocolate concentration is rather high thus its nickname. The place is rather pricy but the fact that there are power points at almost every table for you to use sort of still makes it tempting to go there. Lan party over hot chocolate anyone? :D
*Photos taken with my hp so dun mind the quality*
Nothing like bread and meat to start ur day... if only no vege...
Chocolate soup is good stuff... i mean hot chocolate
Thanks to my sis for the treat :)
Next off was the Staint Patrick's Day Bar Hop Event by Maxim and Guiness on friday evening. As derick would say, these people would find an excuse to drink and public holidays are not spared as well. Thanks to Elliott for the invites, went down with Charlene and Herbert. Met Casse and HuiRong there as well. Been sometime since I saw them and it was good doing some catching up.
Casse, HuiRong, Me and Charlene at the 2nd stop.
With Charlene and Herbert at the 3rd stop.
Overall it was interesting as we got to visit 4 Irish bars in total and see how they celebrate St Pat's day. ALthough I still cannot appreciate the taste of stout and doubt I will anytime soon.
Sunday was a busy busy day of photo taking for me. Rather rusty liaos so decided to take this chance to get some practice done.
First was at the EA Play event at marina square. As with last year, there were many booths where you can try out the different games from EA or Electronic Arts. There was also gamming competitions going on. Managed to find Jason and spent a while chit chatting with him. Did not get to try out the games this time as it was really pack with kids trying to make the the best of their last day of holiday.
EA Play 08 Banner
A random shot of 2 game characters... quick cute hor... ^_^
After EA Play it was off to vivocity for my first ever cosplay event. Haha no, I did not cosplay as any anime characters but really went down to take photos. As I dun watch anime much, I was really clueless as to who was what character. So I just followed my 2 lovely "subjects" around and help them take photos.
An interesting experience I must say. Last time armed with my sony digicam, no one seems to give me the attention but but with the DSLR, attention is automatically given. Somemore some events executive approached me if I was interested in doing freelance for the events company. Lols...
The Camera man and his 2 lovely subjects... :P
Self taken shot... people can do it with HP and Digicam, I can do it wil DSLR... :D
Elliott and Herbet with Yuna
Eugene, Charlene and Lorraine
Dinner at superdog
Kenny usually dun like to take photos but this time he was caught off guard cos he has never seen a DSLR before... :P
Well that just about wraps up last week.
Cheers,
Kenneth :)
Its a crazy crazy weekend...
Ok just a recap of the crazy weekend I had.
Thursday was spent studying at macs in the morning wuth ben, going to the IT Show with ben, bryan and later on derick , getting my new toy and more studying at macs with derick, weefoong and benny.
Notes notes and more notes... when will it end...
Enough coke and ice tea for a while...
I love my new keyboard :D
Friday was spent having my exam in school and its off to the IT Show again but this time with herbert, elliott and charlene. Also helped herbert's brother get some stuff for his computer.
Time to reward myself after a crazy paper...
Hehe cute right? Its also an mp3 player wor...
Went down again to the IT Show on saturday morning. This time is to pass to kelvin his razer lycosa keyboard which I helped me get on thursday. Also went to show face and say hi to the people at the IT Show. And also bought printer ink for my cousin.
Due to my crazy running up and down and late nights of attempted studying, I caught abit of the flu so slept in on sunday. Studied for my final paper in the afternoon and rushed down again to the IT Show in the evening hoping for some last minute deals. But I went home empty handed. Ok lah at least I managed to get victor some coffee. He looks like he needs it.
Abit sianz this show cos I din get to meet up with HuiRong, Casse, Iris and Gillian. Some how just never managed to see them either cos they were not there or having their break. Well maybe next time or something cos PC Show is next.
Monday was spent studying for my last paper and taking the paper itself. First time using 2 answer booklets I think. Than its off for family dinner. Evening was spent at jim's grandfather's funneral wake.
Been awhile since I had this to eat. 8 pieces for $2... cheap and good...
Chocolate rice toppings... opps forgot to turn on micro mode though...
Well now that all my papers are over(hope I pass them), its time for the final term which is my FYP. But I will bother with that next week once I got my rest.
Cheers,
Kenneth :D
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