Rantings of a 24 year old...
Well its that time of the year again. Yes I have now officially been alive for 24 years on this planet called Earth.
And as seen in the post title, its gonna be a long long post. So sit back relax, and enjoy reading... or you can just skip to the pictures below... the choice is yours...
So yeah first off, to blog about my day.
Having decided to increase my jogging to 3 times a week, I started the day with a morning jog as usual. Sun was nice and warm and I did my usual 4.4km without any problems. Ankle seems to be getting along very well these days. Looks like AHM might be a possibility after all.
Afternoon was spent in front of my pc as usual. No need to go into detail about it.
Dinner was interesting. Dad reserved table for 4 at Grand Copthorne Hotel at th Biro bar. For once I actually enjoyed a buffet in a hotel as compared to last year. If you had been reading my blog you will know what I mean. For the benefit of those who do not, well I had to endure 2 buffets at hotels where I was the only non uni student and the only one still single.
Anyway, the food was good, and this time I went straight for the yummy stuff. Nice sushi and raw meat, beef and pork and all the glorious dessert. Well I will post the pictures later on so you gotta scroll down.
After that its off to Great World for some shopping for my sis as she needs to get some work clothes. I took the chance to find a deposit machine to put in the birthday present from my parents and cousin Dennis and the cash for the many mice I bought. Good thing I did it today. If not, who knows what I would have bought at the PC Show... 20" Dell wide screen monitor... :D
* Start of rantings : please scroll down for pictures if you wish to skip this part*
So anyway I decided to take a stroll down memory lane and look back at the past year. Unfortunately I couldn't find my blog post from my 23rd birthday. My last blog started on the 8th of June. Cant remember why but doesn't matter I guess.
Well all I can say was it it sure was a roller coaster ride for the 2nd half of last year. From problems with work, to my days in SYFC, to the time during my brief stint with World of Warcraft and surviving those days where I had to endure dinners that made me feel left out to emotional rides and dead ends. What a 12 months it was been.
And all that time, one thing kept on bothering me. And well it still does. The fact that I was trying to so call up my standard. Not the standards that I put on others but my own standard. In simple terms, I was suffering from a deep wound to my own self worth.
And yes before you start your sermon, I been through that self worth workshop. And yes it did not help. Cos practically everything around me was just crushing it more and more no matter how I tried to overcome it.
Will not go into details as they are past and done but yeah. I guess it did help also that I finally start school and passed my driving, but than the standards got higher and I still have alot of catching up to do. Thankfully some things this year like getting my first high distinction and completing my assignments before the rest and even to getting my first full marks for one of them did help to build my self confidence. And the consolation I have is that I do not have to worry about being over confident as I am still working to the basic part first.
Yet one thing still linger on... Or rather something took an un-expected turn...
For recap, this is one of my post last year in december...
Thank You Kenneth For Being An Idiot
Lol I will smack Elliot tmr... basket ask me to cheer someone up with the words you never know what will happen in the future... Well I may not be able to read into the future but I know what happens now. I just wasted my time trying to cheer someone in which I will get no reward or anything good from it. Ok so I sound like an idiot and materialistic guy but hey how many times have I tried to help and be nice and yet nice guys finish last?
Forget it lah, I will take it as a lesson learnt.
While thankfully I am less of a blind idiot of a nice guy now... But somethings still dun change. Btw nothing against Elliott cos he meant well...
So you can actually say, one reason that I sort of stayed away from the dating game and thus always blame myself for being single which results in me feeling rather uncomfortable and irritated sometimes when surrounded by couples is because of this.
I remember myself as one who would go out of the way for my friends, and for girls I used to like, I would go further. I cannot remember if I posted it before, but anyway just for the records:
1. Got starhub free incoming cos taking to her on the phone on my singtel line is rather expensive.
2. Learn to drive cos her place is out of the way so at least when my dad got the car I can send her home. Petrol price is going up but its worth it.
3. Go out of the way and risk the wrath of my friends for being late for dinner to go down to help her with her studies.
4. Get a friend to purchase a gift for her cos I was rather busy and when it comes to such things I suck big time.
I could go on but these are some of the more noteworthy things I've done.
Was talking to Elliott the other day and his suggestion was to at least get my mind clear. And one way to help me settle that part at least before getting my heart clear is to let it all out. And right here will be a good place, since I use my blog as a diary as well.
One reason I've been rather afraid of doing anything to the point that I dun wanna do anything is cos I dun see myself up to it. Thats why I mentioned that I wanna concentrate and study hard, get a good job and so on. I want to be on the level playing field at least. I mean as of now, Kenneth = Student = No Money + No Standard = Nothing.
Before you come stoning me(if you are reading this of cos), lets face it, its gonna be a playing field where others will be at least working so while no car, at least still got money and some class. I got none.
*Authors Note: I think I can write a thesis liaos*
To illustrate my point, here is a random example from a friend's blog mixed with real life examples I see happening around me.
Went with dear shopping at orchard today. And must thank dear for buying me that pair of jeans. Went to NYDC for dinner. The food was good and the cakes were great. Abit on the expensive side but ok lah. Was raining so in the end dear send me home in taxi as he did not drive today
Now I am not saying its wrongs or anything, I mean to be fair, if I had that capability I would want to do that as well.
And that would have been from a 20 year old student. Now here comes someone more up class. In other words, its good game for me liaos. True I do have a mid-high end pc, but each part was upgraded with minimal due to knowing the right people and knowing the market well. And getting the car is a problem as my dad still dun trust me with it(not that I blame him, hope after my p plate is gone will get better). So basically its like Newcastle. All the potential(assuming that I do get good grades and find a good job) and yet always losing out. Or worst still, its like having bramble marking the opponents star striker.
*If you are not a football fan, it just means I got no chance at all before the game starts*
So yes, fear of rejection? I dun even need to go there... I think I will just self own and outclass myself as well... lol...
Well now that this is out, hopefully over the month I can hopefully settle this once and for all. Left over feelings are the worst thing to have.
* End of rantings *
And now on to the pictures... of food, more food and even more food... btw some pictures might be blur cos i am still trying to get used to my phone camera...
A shot of the place
Dining by the river anyone?
Raw fish and sushi
2 cycles of pig for me, so must eat pork
My sweet tooth clouded my judgment...
Wellington beef aka beef wrapped in pastry dough... and more meat
A shot of the salt and pepper holder... interesting design...
Ok more sushi again... and more raw fist... couldn't resist the temptation...
Decided to be adventurous and try the different types of cheese...
Chocolate ice-cream with rainbow chips and choco chips and vanilla sauce
grilled cheese with fruits...
tried my hand at using the chocolate fountain... but over used the flash...
okies thats about it for today... gonna hit the forums to see what's new...
cheers,
Kenneth.
*Thanks to all for the birthday wishes :D*
